That moment when you already know something…
And then you ask yourself,
so why am I not DOING it?

I’m learning.
Remember how I’ve said I am in a good place, but I’m not perfect.
Well, that was put directly in front of me
tonight.

Here’s the thing.
We already KNOW what our purpose is.
It was knitted in our deepest roots before we were born.
It has pulled at us.
It has pushed us.
It has knocked us over at times.
We know it.
Because this was not a game.
We were MEANT to KNOW it.

I was asked a question tonight.
Where do you want to be at the end of 2017.
I had the first 2 months of goals written down in front of me
so I put that up there.
But that is NOT where I want it to end.
So, I thought about it.
If I can hit 12K by the end of February,
what can I expect for the end of 2017.
40K? 80K?
I wrote down 200K.
I thought it was so big.
It was a scary goal.
Oh but THEN she says
How about 1 Million?
I’m not kidding when I felt my heart jump into my throat.
Really?
Yet in this one area
that is not at all unrealistic.
I know that too.
So why did I write down 200K?

Limiting ideas, limiting thoughts,
fear of failure, fear of success.
WAIT, WHAT?

Yes, fear of success.
Why?
Because that is selfish and greedy.
But that was not said by me, but it circled up there in my brain.
Because when someone else said it
they didn’t want to teach their kids to be selfish and greedy.
I thought – “that was the conversation I had yesterday,
with myself.”

And then,
before I thought it through,
I typed it.

Something like:
It is not selfish or greedy if you teach your kids
to be generous with your success. It’s selfish and greedy
if you earn it, then horde it.
I left it at that.
But let’s be clear.
keeping money for family and friends or security,
spending money on yourself is not selfish,
giving to a favored charity is not selfish.
It’s the act of hoarding tucking it away so that it does no good
for anyone. Keeping it away out of fear. That is selfish and greedy.
I’m pretty sure someone out there is disagreeing with me.
That is ok, too.
But then our fearless leader stated the reason that I had not articulated.
If you don’t open your hands to giving,
you can not receive.
Yes. That’s it.

Then, the question is posed.
How do you get rid of the old story,
the self-doubt, the limiting thoughts,
the things we tell ourselves so we don’t have to succeed?

My first thought,
something I have done 100 times.
Write it down.
Set it on fire.
Watch it float away in the smoke.

But I had forgotten.

I consider these tools,
they are kept in a tool box.
I have them.
I have used them.
I think a step I have the need to add is
to write a list of my tools,
so that I don’t have to search through every drawer to find the right one.
I can scan down the list
for the smallest, or least,
the forgotten tools.

We are learning together! Yay!

When you find a new tool,
a tool that works to improve your life in some way,
write it down in a notebook,
or on a post it,
or on your phone memo.
And when you are stuck.
Read down your tool list.
Because it really really sucks
when you hear something
and ask yourself
WHY have I not been using this tool that I have had in my tool box for
weeks
or
months
or in this case for me…
YEARS!

Learning something new every day!
Re-learning some things over again!
Making improvements.
Forgiving yourself for being human.